It's been tough. And I miss him.
Love By Leo Busgaglia. 1972
"Man created words to free himself. He created language so that he could communicate himself to others and allow them to do the same. He intended words to help organize and record the wisdom of the past and dreams of the future. He found that the words helped him in organizing his environment. But most of all, he used words to think with and to create. He developed language to free himself, never imagining he would become a slave to language. He found that the very same labels he organizing to merely stand for something soon had the power to become the thing itself. Man began to act as if the work was the thing. With names in hand, man assumed he had the "thing" in hand. He inferred, therefore, that he could communicate it to others simply by using the label. When he discussed a Frenchman, he suppose that all people had the same static picture of a Frenchman as he. This, of course, was not so and thus his ability to communicate began to break down.. The label tricked man into becoming its slave and distanced him from the other human beings. He never stopped to ask what he or others actually understood about another individual when he labeled him "communist", "Catholic", "Republican", "Jew.". He did not bother to ask if the "communist" was a also a good father, a gentle man, a dedicated teacher, a good human being, a warm lover, a pacifist, a dreamer or a creator, The negative stimuli produced by the word "communist:"were enough to convince him he could "hate" the individual. So it went."
I'm still stressed and upset about Newton. He likely will not make it to winter.
And, in case you didn't know, I do not deal well with death. I don't want to be depressing as I usually aim for my lj to be pretty light.
I'm still here though. I am coping. On the bright side I have not booked my white water rafting trip down DeNile.
(I sure hope that reads as funny as it was in my head!)
I have been through some changes in the last few months. Some have been of my own choosing. Some feel as though they were chosen for me.
I have a completely different circle of friends then I had even when I moved in May. Most of the people I was close to have moved out of the city. We do keep in touch regularly so I don't feel as though they are out of my life by any means.
And honestly, despite what is going on with little Newty, for the most part I am very happy right now.
It may have still been the Hypoglycemia that was keeping him down last weekend. I am happy to say I have some more time with him.
I realize fully the emotional state I was in last weekend will have to resurface but I will enjoy what time we have left.
For the first week we got him I didn't see him. He hid. I wondered if he was not happy with like his new home, or if he just didn't like us. I, however, had more important things to worry about at that time.
Then, exactly one week after he had moved in, the dreaded phone call came. My father passed away. I was all by myself sobbing, harder than I have ever sobbed before when suddenly out of nowhere came Newton. I was surprised to see him and even more surprised when he climbed on to my lap. He purred quite loudly and rubbed his face on mine. I petted him for the first time and felt a bond with him right away. This little kitty who avoided me for a week just did a very compassionate thing. He comforted me when I thought I was all alone. I knew then I wanted him as a friend for life.
I found out on Friday he has cancer and will not survive. What we originally thought was a case of Hypoglycemia actually turned out to be severe pain. He will be euthanized on Monday to prevent anymore suffering. He's had enough.
I have had a plethora of tears the last few days. And he, he is having a hard time moving around. Mostly, my little Newty lays down. It is very hard to watch him move as it is obviously very uncomfortable for him. He seems to move only for necessities.
Both Meg and I have tried sitting with him. To be with him in our time of greif and so he doesen't feel alone in his pain. He, however, wants to be alone. It makes him visibly angry for us to be there. We have since decided to let him have that wish.
Last night I was again sobbing. It's very tough to know he will be out of my life very soon. I had again thought my grief was inconsolable. And then Newton got up from where he had laid for about the previous 4 hours, to comfort me.
Words can not express how much I am going to miss him.
This is my fav blog. (I think that I have said this before.)
Meg often sleeps until 2, I usually started at 3 or 4. If she needed to be up before that she had plans with her friends. I figure, she is 16, and nothing personal to me, but she would much rather spend the summer with her friends. So, back to my day shift I go! I am going to miss the night crew. I met some really great people and had a lot of fun, much of which was at my expense, but fun none the less.
I have also been going out more. I went to the gay bar for the first time in my life with a couple I work with. There I was with a both a gay and lesbian couple standing in a bar, expecting to fall behind the cracks. However I may have had a sandwich board on that said:
"Straight Woman:Gay Bar Virgin"
Someone, who I don't even know, came up to me and teasingly said "I know your straight!" And I realized something at that moment. Gay people have an Ungaydar! Why had this not occurred to me before?
Others were telling me to have fun, no one would bother me. The lesbians would know right away I was straight and the gays, well....if I need to spell that out....
Someone else who works in the same building as I do recognized me and started talking to me. I meet his boyfriend Robyn. There are a nice couple who seem very much in love. I do have to say that I hate that Robyn has better dresses and hair than I do!!! I however, have bigger boobs! :)
This was really like a new culture for me. Drag Queens did not seem to be the most shocking aspect of it. What shocked me most was also what I appreciated most about it. Although it caters to what you would think is one demographic, it is actually very diverse. It was a very inclusive environment. No one was looked down on regardless of their style, race, age, socioeconomic background, or even their sexual preference. If only everyone could have that very non judgmental attitude!
Little WACy a tower of powerBy KATE DUBINSKI, SUN MEDIA
A white chipmunk shows up daily at a north London home to munch on spilled bird feed. (Mike Hensen, Sun Media)
Rarity: White chipmunk moves in and takes over London yard.
Forget the cougar: there's a critter stalking one London neighbourhood that's just as rare -- and there's photographic proof it exists.
A white chipmunk has moved into Ron Dawson's front yard in north London and is defending its territory.
"He chases away blue jays and morning doves. It's a wonder he's survived because he really sticks out against the background," Dawson said from his summer home in the Bruce Peninsula.
The white rodent -- which Dawson has named WACy for white albino chipmunk -- isn't a true albino. He has black eyes.
Instead, said Pud Hunter, a Natural Resources Ministry biologist in Aylmer, the little guy inherited two recessive genes for the colour white from mom and dad.
"I've seen a variety of white animals -- robins, raccoons, deer, groundhogs, even bears -- but never a white chipmunk," Hunter said.
"White in animals is an infrequent sighting."
WACy survives on bird feed that falls from a feeder in Dawson's front yard.
"About two months ago, I looked out my kitchen window and there he was," Dawson said. "I couldn't believe my eyes. I called my wife over and said, 'Am I seeing things?' "
WACy is a bit of a tyrant. He chases away other animals that come by, but gets along, for the most part, with another chipmunk in the area. Sometimes, if there's food to fight over, WACy wins.
"He's quite brassy, because he just chases birds away. (But) he's so small, a blue jay or cat could eat him for dinner."
WACy -- much smaller than the cougar raising eyebrows of those who claim to have spotted it around London -- could rival Exeter's white squirrels.
"Chipmunks are great -- I wish I had their energy," said Ric Wallace, who popularized the white squirrel and also runs a website about the curiosity of London's rare black squirrels in Victoria Park.
Wallace doesn't think one white chipmunk will steal the limelight from either Exeter's white squirrel's or London's black ones.
"I've had people writing me from all over the world who want to come see (the squirrels)," he said.